Fishing and stuff

Been so long since the last post.

Just got back from the moutains. Did a daytrip to Curtis creek and Newberry creek and tested my fly-line. Newberry is a small creek with wild trout, a few bites but it is hard to maneuver a 9 ft rod when the canopy is 10 ft. One strike starteled me so much that I almost fell over and my fly went flying into the branches above me. After that little fiasco I had to laugh at myself. I got startled at the very thing I was after. Two flies and a pair of sunglasses later I decided it was time to move on. Drove down the road to Curtis creek, There was a large pool that offered a healthy amount of trout and small mouth bass but they weren't biting! This was the first time I had done much sight fighing and I had a lot of good presentations but nothing seem to interest them. I tried nymphs, mayflies, white whuffs, elk hair caddies, wooly buggers, and parachutes, nothing seemed to catch their eye. I did catch one small mouth when I first showed up but nothing after that. There was a huge trout, Id say about 24", looked like a large salmon, that would come swooping through every once in awhile. I gave him a couple looks too but he was fickle as well. Ohh well it was a great day, and a good way to spend my solstice. I shall return to this river to fish that very pool.

I must thank Ms. Presto for this trip. Without her thoughtfulness I would have never found these streams, and she has provided me with gifts that will keep on giving for years to come.

Alas I seem to be over my head. I car about Ms. T a lot and we have great fun together but I cant seem to shake her baggage. I find sometimes when Im out that I am embarrassed to be around her, not for who she is but because I feel everyone is looking at us oddly for our age discrepancies, when in actuality I know it is not true. I either have to grow up or call it off. The latter being hard to do because of who she is and the chemistry that exists between us. We will see how this summer goes...

Awhile since the last post.

I am finanlly settling into the rythums of my Job and my new life here in Charlotte. One thing that is constantly on my mind is how, when, where, will I meet people. Things move much slower in the corporate world. Common interactions with a variety of people dwindles and one is left in peculiar position.

1. One can embrace the office and make that your surroundings.

2. One can fade into the background and hope for something to fall in their lap.

3. One can be proactive and try and make things happen.

I am trying number three but number one seems to tie closely to this and number two creeps up. I have never been a proactive person, not that im satisfied with the status quo, but that I hate putting my neck out until im sure. And I seem to have bad timing with this. I risk myself and have not made the correct decision and end up getting let down. But I will continue to be proactive as much as possible for I know it is the best way to succeed in this world, at least for me it is.

I recently went to Florida this weekend for ANS and saw again how I am able to be myself and make friends. I noticed again that I have a natural sway over people and I can take complete control of their and my Domain, those are the times I relish, I cant be stopped, the world is fun. My goal is to increase those times. The challenge is how. More and more I am realizing the term "be confident." We'll see what happens...

Learned a new word: compotation: The act of having drinks with company, usually to the point of excess.

Emo Blog

I hate commercialization. Everyone has become a product. Original thought is dieing. We no longer take risks. Innovation is over. Nothing can be done unless it has been shown to work before. What happened to the adventurous spirit? What happen to unique thought? What happened...

ultra nerdy but I like it

Signs that you may be a nuclear engineer...

1. You wonder about the pressure drop across the sprinkler in the sprinkler system of your office.

2. You think of ways to improve your water heater that include fuel rods, natural circulation, and steam generators.

3. You argue with your friends about the economy, neutron economy that is.

4. You speak in acronyms.

5. Things like "Im going to scram your reactor" are considered dirty.

6. You took Thermodynamics II for the "easy" A.

7. People look at you with a blank stare after they ask what your major was.

8. 92 and 235 have a special place in your heart.

9. You watch water boil to note the time until nucleate boil has occurred and finally when DNB has occurred you through your pasta in.

10. You love Yellow Cake!

Snow and reflections

Kind of a crazy day today. SNOW!! The most snow that I have seen in NC since ive been here. Work was delayed till 9:30, but I found this after I scraped the ice off of my car at 7:00. The extra two hrs of sleep was much appreciated, Considering I was running on about 3 hrs at that point. Then when I got home my love seat, end tables and ottoman were delivered so now I am sitting comfy writing this out.

This portion may be ramblings, lets hope a coherent thought appears. I write for an audience of one, myself. I thought I could be stronger, I thought I had grown up, but the pain is still there. Confusion, distraught, dejection, questions, anger, are all swirling in my head. I went from cloud 9 to ground zero and I put it all on myself. I thought I would be ready for the inevitable, but I was wrong. It is too soon but there is nothing I can do nor should do to stop it. I hope for the best outcome, I hope that she is happy. I truly care, and whats best for her is all I ask. I am young and have never been able to control my emotions well. I love to love but I cant understand when I am not loved back in the same way I feel. I want everyone to be happy. But unfortunately a paradox arises when it comes to my happiness and that of someone else. Deep down if I love you, your happiness means more to me then my own. I want her to move on, I need her to, It is the only I believe she will be able to forgive me and keep whats left of the relationship strong. It is times like these when my confidence is shattered. I put forth my best effort and fail. I see where I have failed and become pissed at my self. I have a very hard time unleashing frustration and anger, only time helps, so now I prepare myself for my own self-loathing that is sure to happen.

I thought I was past this, I thought I had put it behind me. I was happy to hear forgiveness I believed it was the final piece of the puzzle and we could both be happy in our respective ways. I was not prepared, though I should have been. It may be the solitude I come home to, It may because I feel I cannot be consoled by my friends, the unfamiliar surroundings, or a lovely cocktail of all three. I know this is probably the best outcome, The road may have been rocky but journey was incredible.

moving in...

I have moved into the new place and am not sure what to do with it. So much space so little furniture. Also my entertainment consists of unpacking and trying not to let my legs fall asleep while I type in my airbed. Not really sure where this is going to go but we will see. Upon entering the workforce I have realized how young I really am. Near graduation I thought of myself as being old and before long I will have been sucked up by the world and blend into the corporate crowd. My best years were behind me and I had 60 more to drag out ahead of me. This will not be the case. I see leaving college lets you take your youthful experience of little consequences to your actions and apply them to any way you see fit. This will lead to ultimate fulfillment of ones life if one is careful. Why does the partying have to stop? Sure doesnt seem to stop if you look hard enough. At the Essekane music festival a majority of the audience were above the age of 40 and having the time of your life. People who say that the best has come and gone have grown up to fast. Why is it important to grow up and let the inner child die? I agree be professional in your work environment and this will lead to some sacrifices to be made, but do not lose light of what makes you happy.

One should always strive to do what they enjoy. Do not let others tell you what makes you happy or "thats how the world is" go out and see for yourself. It is time to quit blaming others for your hardships. It sucks, life happens, move on. One cannot change the past, only learn from it. Take ownership of your actions and get back on that horse. It is important that will power overcomes all, no matter the hardships. If something is important to you either succeed or die trying, apathy is the greatest sin of man kind. But if you give up dont make an excuse it was to hard for such and such a reason, know that it may have not been that important to you and there is no use in making excuses. Two books have really reinforced this ideology in me; "Kaffir Boy" and "Miracle in the Andes" stories of people who have overcome insurmountable odds to achieve their goals. Another story with a much more depressing ending but of equal importance is "Into the Wild." I do not condone the actions of Mr Chris McCandless, far from it, he was selfish and hurt his family in a way that I could never comprehend. But Mr. McCandless fallowed his dream and lead one of the most fulfilling lives in recent history. A short happy life is better then a long painful existence.

I know I am a hypocrite in writing this. I have failed and made excuses. I have blamed others for my shortcomings. I also know that I will continue to do the same. But I have also come to the realization that I cannot change the past, only learn from it. I have power over my life and everyday I seize more of it. I have hurt people in the past, I have not acted on opportunities that have presented themselves, and people have caused me more pain than they will probably ever know, but there is nothing I can do about it now except to move on and achieve my goals. To do what makes me happy. Have patience, instant gratification in life is only reserved for drugs and masturbation. True happiness is a slow process and when it comes you will know, but you must try to succeed.

hmm odd little life lesson came out there, totally didnt see that one coming. I guess I wish for everyone to be happy. So please live YOUR life. Youll be happy that you did.

People

Well the first week of work is almost complete and everyday I am more confident about the job that I have taken. My boss is friendly and knowledgeable and the people in my group are dedicated to their work but are more than able to have fun...

Ooo awkward story time. I was taking a break from a meeting looking at some of the posters in the hall way about the various programs that AREVA has and what they are for, when the director of the meeting, we'll call him Beet, comes out and starts talking to me. This is at the same time that I have turned and am starting towards the bathroom. Beat and I make small talk as we walk in the same direction, when it is becoming clear to me that we are both heading for the bathroom. I panic because all I have to do is piss and there are 2 urinals in the bathroom. This may sound weird, but picture two guys joking and laughing walking into a bathroom and then at the same time saddle up next to each other with their dicks in their hands, im not saying its gay, but it aint straight. Either way i quickly scan for a stall to be open so I can duck in there and avoid the inevitable awkwardness to fallow. No dice. So I man, unzip myself and let it fly, only nothing comes out. I have gotten so worked about not wanting to enter the simultaneous pissing contest that I choke. So does Beet. Now we are standing side be side, in silence, schlong in hand waiting for the other to start. I try to force it. It hurts. My face is truing red. It hurts some more. I concentrate at looking forward as to avoid confusion. Nothing happens. I grit my. Nothing, more pain. Im holding my breath trying to force out something, but all I end up doing is a little humping motion next to the stall, faking my piss. At this point Beet beats me too it, spiiiishh, splash, bam a man of action, he is done. I have yet to squeeze a drop and give up to wash my hands. Beet has figured out what has just happened, I didn't pee. He quickly makes his exit after washing his hands leaving me slowly washing my hands so this awkwardness will pass. Beet leaves, I laugh and return to urinal to finish what I had came to do...